Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
