i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
