This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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