My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
