Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
