Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
