peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How does one acquire holy water?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
