You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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