Ambien. No doubt about it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
