so explain again why im purple
no
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
