I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
