I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
