I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
