She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
