I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
