My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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