He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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