what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
