should my penis look like a turkey
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
