I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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