I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
