Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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