i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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