just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry my hands just texted you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
