Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
