Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize