Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
