I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I party with great urgency now.
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