Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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