I accidentally burped into my bong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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