just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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