Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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