toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
