They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
