I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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