btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
