well I can't set my house on fire every night
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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