don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
