I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
