Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize