If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Randomize
