if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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