Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love you. Go after that dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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