if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
