Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
