This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
