he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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