I'm so fucking centered right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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