dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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