I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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