How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
