Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A bitchslap is in order.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
