Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there was a trapeze. enough said
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
