I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
