Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
