our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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