Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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