moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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