Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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