im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
