my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
