Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
