she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
