Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
