Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
