I hope mine doesn't look like that
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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