someone threw a dead crab at me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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