it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
