he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
