If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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