The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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