Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
