O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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