remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
