quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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