Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
