Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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