Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
