Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
