splinters make it hard to masturbate
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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