Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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